In 2023, a harmless Internet trend entered people’s field of vision. the spirit of the times, among which In the (allegedly) unstaged video, women ask their boyfriends or husbands how often they think about the Roman Empire. Most people on the internet and I are shocked at how many men say they think about this At least Once a day. The phrase quickly became shorthand for caring about anything—”This is my Roman Empire,” someone might comment under an old clip of Marnie. girls. We think this is just a stupid internet trend. Harmless, right?
Wrong. Because right now we are living in one of the saddest timelines ever, a bunch of megalomaniacs who are imitating and obsessing over all the wrong parts of history.
On Wednesday, FBI Director and No. 3 alternate Kash Patel issued a statement with the UFC announcing that UFC fighters will hold a “historic” seminar in Quantico to train FBI agents. When the White House announced a huge UFC event for Trump’s 80th birthday this summer, I suspected things were off the rails, but this Confirmed this. Are we really doing this? Are we really doing that Gladiator thing?
“This is a tremendous opportunity for our FBI agents to learn and train with some of the greatest athletes on the planet, helping world-class law enforcement agencies be better prepared to protect the American people,” said Patel. It’s increasingly clear that the former conspiracy theory podcaster — who spends U.S. taxpayer dollars to party with the U.S. men’s hockey team — is only interested in the parts of his job that bring him closer to sports. It’s obvious he never made the varsity team and now the rest of us have to suffer for it.
The training camp will reportedly provide an in-depth understanding of UFC training methods and fighting tactics. But what exactly is the strategy? Flying kick? Backflip off the edge of the octagon? I don’t need to let taxpayer dollars suffocate me naked.
It’s not without reason, but the UFC is notorious for de-platforming some truly horrific people, like convicted rapist Conor McGregor – so I’m not sure how reliable these people are as educators, especially when their job requires bashing brains. Also, the training seminars are going to be held this weekend, which means part of them will be on March 15th, the Ides of March, so beware! Lest you want to end up in a banana boat…
We shouldn’t be giving people that much time in 2023 to think about the Roman Empire, because who knows what they might do next? Build a temple to Trump? Fighting hungry lions in the Superdome? If only they were just as interested in the cool parts of the Roman Empire, like the art, aqueducts, and the like, rather than in barbaric displays of fragile masculinity.
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