WARNING: This article contains discussion of suicide and depression.
Former English rugby union player Josh Jones has revealed he almost committed suicide due to a head injury he suffered while playing the sport.
advertise
He retired in 2023 due to concussion-related issues and was diagnosed with chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE) at age 31.
This degenerative brain disease is associated with repeated blows to the head and increases the risk of mental illness.
Jones, who made 246 Super League appearances for various clubs, is one of the youngest and most high-profile claimants in a concussion lawsuit against rugby league authorities.
In his first interview since retiring, the former international midfielder told BBC Sport that he had considered suicide during his career.
“It breaks my heart to share this, but the day before the season started and I was contemplating ending my life, that’s how dark things got,” he said.
advertise
“I sat there thinking for hours [it] Because I didn’t like the person I was becoming. I feel like a burden to my family.
“It was terrible. The most terrible thing was that that night [my wife] Olivia managed to calm me down and take me home…and I played ball the next day. “
unable to regulate emotions
Jones said he developed a variety of symptoms after suffering frequent concussions in practices and games.
He and his family now live in Malaysia, and he told BBC Sport: “I noticed that if I was doing simple things like getting a bottle of water for my kids, trying to pour the water, trying to steady my hand, putting a card in the card machine, putting the key in the door, I couldn’t stop shaking,” he said.
advertise
“That’s when things gradually started to get worse; headaches, brain fog, neck pain, eye pain… I had sensitivity to light and noise, anxiety, depression.
“The scariest thing I found was not being able to control my emotions. It scared me. I just dealt with it by withdrawing myself. Sometimes it hurt our marriage, it hurt me as a dad and my friends… I isolated myself very much.
“I will never let my kids play, it’s a very sad thing.”
Jones’ wife Olivia told BBC Sport the change in her husband’s personality was “very slow at first” but later became “impossible to ignore”.
advertise
“He went from being confident, energetic and living in the moment to being withdrawn, irritable, forgetful – and he seemed to be in constant pain,” she said.
“He was constantly complaining of headaches, brain fog and anxiety, which was very scary for me.”
‘It scares me’
Jones, who made three appearances for Great Britain in 2019, said he was diagnosed with possible stage 2 CTE after finishing playing in July 2024.
This degenerative brain disease can only be definitively diagnosed after death and has been linked to dementia.
“It was such a relief to be told that someone could actually see me, support me and listen to me because for so long I had been told nothing,” he added.
advertise
“In my opinion, the service provided by the governing body to our players is not good enough because there are a lot of players who have been told there is nothing wrong with them.
“I think there needs to be an independent regulator of brain health, not just in rugby league but across sport.
“My neurologist said I am now at high risk for further problems. What my body has been through and what is about to happen scares me.
“It’s heartbreaking but the hardest thing for me is my children. I love being a dad when I can play with them on the trampoline and play football with them in the garden.
advertise
“I almost feel like, in a big way, it’s been taken away from me because now I can’t do these things and I have to explain to my kids why.”
‘Lack of protocol’ leads to symptom progression
Jones and other claimants in the concussion lawsuit argue the RFL was negligent in failing to take reasonable action to protect them from serious brain injuries.
They also claim the organization should develop and implement rules regarding the evaluation, diagnosis and treatment of actual or suspected concussive injuries. The governing body denies responsibility.
advertise
Asked why he decided to join the legal action, Jones said: “I saw a lot of fans questioning the integrity of the players and saying they knew the risks.
“I knew I was going to have sore shoulders, a bad back, sore knees, maybe arthritis, those kinds of physical issues. I never knew I’d be leaving like this – and enduring the nerve damage that the game has given me.
“For me the problem is not the game, it’s the management of the game. To add insult to injury, to be abandoned by the sport – that’s not right. The governing bodies have failed to protect their players and something needs to be done.”
“I knew it wasn’t just me who was suffering. When I retired, a lot of my former teammates came up to me and asked me, ‘What care are you getting because I have the same symptoms as you?'”
advertise
Jones said he believes a “lack of treatment options” contributed to his symptoms worsening.
life after rugby
After retiring, Jones tried to build a career in finance and then entered his father-in-law’s demolition business, but said he “couldn’t cope with the high-pressure environment or working hours” and had to “isolate himself in a dark room for hours.”
“This is just another nightmare,” he said. “So, now I’m doing nothing. I don’t have a job. In a sense, I can’t do anything because I can’t work a 9-to-5 job.
“I needed treatment every day. So we had to sell our house to be able to go to the Far East for cheaper treatment. We were planning to go to New Zealand.
advertise
“I was talking to the neurologist over there and they took a different approach and they were recommended by other players who had been through this.
“Be proactive about trying to slow down the transition because dementia praecox is a very real possibility for me. The same goes for Parkinson’s disease and epilepsy.
“We’re just trying to get some help. This is the hardest time of our lives.”
Olivia added that watching her husband’s post-retirement struggles “was a harsh reality for me because ‘Oh my gosh, this is your life now. It’s not just the impact of playing every week. You’ve got brain damage now’.”
advertise
“We have reached a point in England where there is no quality of life. He has not left home, he has completely isolated himself. Obviously, I am afraid of leaving him alone. I don’t know what to do and how to help him.”
‘The sport has never been safer’
The RFL said in a statement that it “takes the safety and welfare of its players extremely seriously and is always deeply saddened to hear of any health issues experienced by former players”.
“Rugby League as a sport invests heavily in scientific research and continues to develop its methods to help best prevent and manage concussion injuries.
advertise
“As a result, the sport has never been safer in this regard. The RFL has a clear action plan, which includes targets to reduce concussions across the sport by 30 per cent, and is on track to achieve these targets.
“Charity Rugby League Cares provides a huge amount of help and assistance to former professional players; [which] Support a comprehensive transition plan to support players during and after their careers, including education and hardship grants.
“We have set up a brain health fund to provide expert advice and care, supporting more than 40 former players and their families.”
Richard Boardman, solicitor at Rylands Garth, which represents the claimant, said: “Josh’s issues remain outstanding because he was supposedly in the prime of his life.
advertise
“Josh was incredibly brave to speak out about this issue and our hearts go out to those who are suffering in silence.”
In December, after five years of legal wrangling, plaintiffs in a lawsuit by the rugby union and the union were denied appeals against a decision requiring them to provide all medical records to the defendants.
If you are affected by the issues raised in this article, you can get help and support through the BBC Action Line.
