Kalen DeBoer shows off Leonardo DiCaprio’s “Wolf of Wall Street” gif during Alabama’s College Football Playoff first-round win. Not literally. Tweeting is not DeBoer’s style.
But consider that Alabama scored 27 straight points in a 34-24 win over Oklahoma State, and this is how DeBoer yelled: I’m not *beep* leaving.
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Deal with it, Michigan.
But honestly, how did Michigan respond? It needs a coach, and DeBoer and Arizona State’s Kenny Dillingham appear to be off the table.
In the best of times, Michigan State would be one of the hottest jobs in college football. These are not the best of times for Michigan State.
“For five years, this team has been dysfunctioning,” interim coach Biff Poggi said. “Let’s call it that.”
Amen, Biff.
Sherron Moore slouched in a chair in a white jumpsuit as a criminal prosecutor told a judge how the fired Michigan coach terrorized his mistress. It’s a visual portrait of dysfunction.
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Michigan couldn’t get away from Moore fast enough. The transfer portal, which opened on Jan. 2, adds to the urgency for the Wolverines to make a hire.
So, who should Michigan turn to? Here are five ideas and an evaluation of each:
Idea 1: Get Louisville’s Jeff Brohm to say “yes”
Michigan doesn’t need to sell Jeff Brohm’s hiring to me. The pitch is written by myself. Jeff Brohm defeated Urban Meyer. Google it.
This is how the introductory press conference begins.
We know Brohm, 54, can thrive in the Big Ten. He already has. He made Purdue not only capable but relevant. Ask Darrell Hazell, Ryan Walters or Barry Odom what a feat that is.
Louisville football coach Jeff Broohm leaves the field after his team defeated Eastern Kentucky at L&N Federal Credit Union Stadium.
He’s going to be an adult who needs a room. Whether Bryce Underwood stays or leaves, he’ll also be a proven quarterback developer in a program in need of a quarterback.
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Brohm has the guts to take on the challenge and the resume of a winner. He was successful everywhere he coached. His current and former employers have not met Michigan’s expectations. They also don’t have the resources of Michigan State.
Brohm would not be a humble or desperate man. He’s a strong option in any situation.
Brohm enjoys the comfort of coaching his alma mater in his hometown. But if his goal is to win a national championship, Michigan needs to make Brohm realize he can’t do that at Louisville, and that he’ll enjoy what it takes to chase a championship at Michigan.
Rate this idea: 9/10.
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Idea 2: Promote Eli Drinkwitz from Missouri to Michigan
Drinkwitz has excelled over the past three seasons with Kirby Moore running Missouri’s offense. Washington State hired Moore as coach earlier this month. How much of Drinkwitz’s success is due to Moore? Or will Drinkwitz replicate that success with another coordinator? Michigan State must think about these questions.
Drinkwitz won an impressive 21 games in total during the 2023 and 2024 seasons. In all of Missouri history, only Gary Pinkel has provided a better two-year performance.
Does Drinkwitz’s success at Missouri indicate that the coach is ready for elite coaching? Or will Drinkwitz, 42, spend the rest of his career trying, and ultimately failing, to replicate his professional peak?
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These are difficult questions to answer with any degree of certainty, so we can only guess.
My hunch: Drinkwitz is a perfect fit for his current job, and there’s no shame in that. If he is hired by Michigan, he will become another college football case study in the Peter Principle.
Rate this idea: 5/10.
Idea 3: Hire former Utah coach Kyle Whittingham
Whittingham, 66, said he did not retire but resigned after 21 seasons with Utah because he “didn’t want to be that persona non grata.”
In other words, he’s a free agent available for hire.
Whittingham is only two years older than Indiana head coach Kurt Cignetti, so age isn’t a complete deal-breaker. No matter what, if you can spend five good years with a coach, you’re now a success. Older coaches can still thrive in this day and age. Did Michigan detect gas left in his tank?
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Sinetti came to Indiana with something to prove. Is Whittingham motivated to prove himself, or is this more like an overseas coach collecting his last paycheck?
Whittingham projects as a safety, transitional option who will keep Michigan’s floor respectable while acknowledging that the ceiling will be below the top of the Big Ten.
Whittingham last coached outside of Utah in 1993 when he was the defensive coordinator at Idaho State. His place in Utah history is secure, but his bruising record against ranked opponents makes me question whether he can reach the level Michigan aspires to.
Michigan could do much worse. It can also be done better.
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Rate this idea: 5/10.
Idea 4: Bet on an up-and-coming coordinator
Here’s how to implement the idea.
Step 1. Identify hot young coordinators that Michigan believes may be ready for coaching jobs.
Step 2. Hire him. Simple and easy. He is a coordinator. Why would he say no?
Step 3. Grant a contract for a nominal five or six years but with a buyout clause that makes it affordable to terminate if it becomes clear after two or three seasons that it’s not going to work.
Step 4. Hopefully you did find a hot coordinator for the next big thing. If not, don’t feel bad about signing the buyout check in year 2 or 3, and make another move as the program further removes Moore’s stink.
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It’s easy to brainstorm ways in which the idea could fail. If you want an example of this strategy working, see Dan Lanning in Oregon.
The Ducks hired him out of Georgia to serve as the 35-year-old defensive coordinator under Kirby Smart. Lanning signed a six-year, $29 million contract. The deal comes with an affordable exit plan if it doesn’t work.
The trick worked, and Lanning is now a rich man. Oregon has made the playoffs the last two times.
There is no doubt that Smart’s current defensive coordinator is 35-year-old Glenn Shuman.
Rate this idea: 6/10.
Idea 5: Biff Poggi, this job is yours
Porgy has been a walk-on player at Michigan State since Moore ruined his career. Poggi said he has interviewed for the coaching position and is “under consideration” for the position.
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He’s a continuity option. Is that really what Michigan should aspire to, considering Porgy worked under Jim Harbaugh and Moore, both of whom plunged Michigan into scandal.
Porgy, 65, isn’t responsible for Harbaugh’s actions or Moore’s moral bankruptcy, but he’s neither an inspiring pick — Porgy coached Charlotte to a 6-16 record — nor the turnaround Michigan should aspire to.
The next coach can decide whether to retain Porgy in some capacity, but promoting Porgy to head coach would be waving a white flag.
Think of it this way: Would any other Final Four program consider hiring Porgy as coach? I don’t have to tell you the answer to this question.
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Rate this idea: 2/10.
Blake Topppmeyer is the senior national college football columnist for the USA TODAY Network. Email him at BTopppmeyer@gannett.com and follow him on @btopmeyer.
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Michigan coach searches for candidate grades, including Jeff Brohm
