We’ve repeatedly asked members of the BuzzFeed community to share the dumbest things someone they know has ever said. A lot of them have shared silly things their boyfriends or husbands have said, so here are the funniest ones:
1. “My first boyfriend believed that a woman’s breasts swelled during sex like a man’s penis.”
-anonymous
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2. “We were talking about dinosaurs and he was shocked to hear that they were real. He then went on to ask me if they really breathed fire. He thought dinosaurs and dragons were the same thing.”
—u/alixnkxng
3. “I dated a man who once asked me why I had to ‘use so much toilet paper’ every time I went to his apartment. I asked him to elaborate on what that meant and he said it wasn’t necessary to wipe every time and wondered if I was being wasteful. I had to tell him that women do have to wipe every time they pee.”
-anonymous
4. “When I told an ex-boyfriend of mine that, no, women cannot get pregnant through oral sex, he looked very confused. He was 27 or 28 at the time.”
-anonymous
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5. “I dated a man when I was younger and he prided himself on being a womanizer. One day he was bragging that he was a ‘connoisseur’ of women. I was completely confused and the wheels started spinning in my head. And I said to him, ‘You mean connoisseur?’ and he said, ‘Oh, yeah, that’s it.'”
6. “I was in the hospital and my boyfriend at the time sent me a text with a picture of an ear of corn that he had just peeled and asked if the ear of corn had turned yellow because ears of corn are yellow. He thought the ear of corn had turned yellow from cooking. He’s 40 years old!”
7. “He believed that when a person’s period ends, an egg is laid. Like…an egg.”
——Definitely not the Mothman
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8. “I started my period, walked into the store, reached over and grabbed a box of large tampons. He slapped my hand away and said, ‘You don’t need that size.'” I was surprised that he tried to tell me what type of tampon I needed based on the size. The size of tampon you get depends on your flow. I did marry him and it was the biggest mistake of my life. “
-anonymous
9. “My ex-boyfriend was worried about cyclic night sweats, so he Googled it. He went on to tell me he was menopausal.”
-anonymous
10. “My husband and I were discussing our neighbor, who had just been diagnosed with prostate cancer, and my husband said he should probably get his prostate checked. And he looked at me and said, ‘Honey, you should probably get your prostate checked, too!’ I told him women don’t have prostates.”
—lunaamethyst8124
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11. “My boyfriend thought at the time that when people said they were buying a house with ‘cash’, the buyer was actually bringing bags of cash to pay for the property.”
-anonymous
12. “My ex in college thought all women could produce breast milk on demand. He asked to try some of mine and was shocked when I told him I actually needed to have a baby first.”
-anonymous
13. “I was taking my boyfriend (cisgender) to the doctor because he was having some stomach issues, and when the doctor asked him what kind of problem he had, he very seriously said, ‘I’m not sure. All I know is that I hurt it really bad and I think it was my ovaries.'”
-anonymous
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14. “He asked, ‘Does it feel good to put a tampon in?’ He seriously equated inserting a tampon with penetrative sex.”
-anonymous
15. “I texted my ex and said, ‘Benign!’ because I had gotten the results of the tumor biopsy. His response? ‘I thought that place closed down a long time ago?!’ He thought I was texting about the old Bennigan restaurant.”
-anonymous
16. “A guy I dated confidently said, ‘India is in Africa.'” We argued until I pulled out a map. We didn’t speak again after that. “
-anonymous
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17. “My washing machine was broken, so I had to take my clothes and towels to the laundromat. I handed my boyfriend a basket of clothes and asked him to put them in whichever washing machine. He said, ‘Which one is the washing machine?'”
-anonymous
18. “I said I was making whole wheat bread and he asked if he should buy whole wheat yeast.”
-anonymous
19. “I was having an argument with my now ex-boyfriend and at some point during the argument I said, ‘Do you need me to reiterate that?!’ and he responded, ‘No! “I want you to repeat it!!!” Then I yelled “What do you think reiterate means?!” I have never heard such humiliating silence in my life. It’s glorious. “
——Grumpy old lady
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20. “When I told my predecessor about my meeting with the dean of the College of Liberal Arts, he said, ‘Why isn’t there a conservative dean? That’s why Republicans say they hate the university! You’re all so quick to solve political problems.'”
—Abcdg
twenty one. “My ex-boyfriend didn’t believe that geese flew south for the winter. He lived in an area of Minnesota with warm water lakes and there were geese there in the winter. I tried to explain, but he didn’t believe me.”
-anonymous
twenty two. “He said he would make pancakes and put the dry powder directly into the hot pan.”
—u/Sims5Evr
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twenty three. “He believes gas stations are built over oil wells, which is why gas stations are built near each other. He believes gas stations are closing because underground wells are drying up.”
-anonymous
twenty four. “It was December 1999, and my boyfriend thought we were about to enter the 20th century.”
-anonymous
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25. “I once dated a guy briefly who believed that sweetened coffee had zero calories because ‘the sugar has dissolved, so it’s not there anymore.'”
——Millennium Shrimp
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26. “My ex thought the Underground Railroad had something to do with trains, and he used to live in Harriet Tubman’s hometown.”
— Lin Baker 12
27. “My first husband and I went to my cousin’s house to watch the first moon landing on TV. On the way home, he asked me if I thought we would ever see humans land on the sun.”
-anonymous
28. “I dated a man who thought you only take birth control pills before you have sex. He didn’t understand that you had to take them at the same time every day to truly prevent pregnancy.”
-anonymous
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29. “My ex-husband asked how the rice in the pot could reproduce when cooked. He thought it would.”
-anonymous
30. “My husband claims he can open the window to ‘dust off’ his office.”
—bPurple Butterfly
31. Finally, “I know a guy who thinks there are two suns. He goes on vacation and says the sun he has there is better than the sun he has at home.”
—deadpanflower887
What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard a man say? Let us know in the comments or use the anonymous form below:
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