This Extremely Common Social Habit May Actually Be A Sign Of ADHD

When a friend shares a personal story, it’s natural to reciprocate with relevant anecdotes from your own life. It shows empathy, makes connections, and keeps conversations flowing.

That said, if you fall into extreme “me-too” views, it could be a sign of adult ADHD, experts say.

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Everyone makes mistakes in social situations. Maybe you’ve jumped in and started talking about yourself without acknowledging what others are saying. The occasional slip-up is usually harmless, but if it happens regularly and interferes with your life, you may want to take a closer look at whether ADHD, anxiety, or another cause is the cause.

“These are symptoms that we all experience, but to me it’s not the symptoms that people should be concerned about but the function that is affected,” said Kevin AnshelProfessor of Psychology and Director of the ALTER Laboratory and ADHD Clinic at Syracuse University, New York.

Anshel cites examples of people who find it difficult to maintain friends or succeed in the workplace because of a tendency to interrupt others with personal thoughts.

ADHD causes these moments because the disorder affects executive function, the brain’s “management system” responsible for controlling behavior, thoughts, and feelings. For people with ADHD, this system doesn’t always work efficiently, making it more difficult to regulate emotions, control impulses, organize thoughts, remember details, and stay within social boundaries. All of these skills are necessary for healthy conversations.

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To get a clearer picture, we asked therapists to break down the ADHD symptoms that might make you want to interrupt and tell a story that’s relevant to you, and how to share it without taking over:

People with ADHD sometimes struggle with strong feelings and impulses.

In everyday conversations, neurotic adults often wait for natural pauses or prompts from others before adding their personal experiences. Sometimes they make mistakes due to situational reasons such as pressure or haste.

“For adults with ADHD, it comes from a different place. … This disruption occurs frequently and is often due to impulsivity and lower self-monitoring,” Anshel said.

Impulsivity, or acting first and thinking later, is a well-known symptom of ADHD. It can cause people to interrupt, blurt out words, change the subject suddenly, or forget to validate the other person’s ideas. These impulsive behaviors occur more frequently when driven by strong emotions.

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People with ADHD have a harder time regulating their emotions, so intense feelings of excitement, anxiety, stress, or fear can lead to one-sided conversations and a lot of frustration. In those moments, it’s hard to slow down and regain balance in the conversation.

“People with ADHD often find that they talk too much but lack the control to stop it,” says Marcy Caldwellclinical psychologist and founder of the ADHD Center. “They knew it was happening but they couldn’t stop themselves.

People with ADHD struggle with “working memory.”

Sometimes people with ADHD interrupt their personal stories when concerned about working memory deficits. Caldwell likens working memory to a table that can only hold a limited number of items. People with ADHD have smaller “working memory tables” and less room to manage their thoughts.

“With less mental space to accommodate their thoughts, they may insert an idea into a conversation for fear that it will ‘fall off the table’ before they can properly organize and share it,” Caldwell said.

Health: This extremely common social habit may actually be a sign of ADHD

Even if the person they’re talking to suggests they’re angry, people with ADHD may miss cues because they’re so focused on organizing their thoughts and making sure they don’t forget anything. Or they may realize their mistake when their brains have more time and space to process.

“They get feedback from people that they think they’re ‘going too far’ and being disrespectful … and they feel very ashamed of it,” Caldwell said. “They leave the conversation thinking, ‘Oh, I did that again.'”

This habit is an attempt at belonging, not egoism.

Constantly inserting your own stories may lead people to think that people with ADHD are self-centered, but in fact, their brains just work differently.

“For many years we thought there was a strong link between ADHD and narcissism…but more and more people in the field are realizing that [a person with ADHD] “People with ADHD talk about themselves, and that’s not necessarily driven by the same goal as a narcissist, which is self-aggrandizement,” Anshel said.

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Imagine a person who has struggled in school for years and now feels the need to demonstrate their abilities, or a person who longs for close friendships and craves connection. In both cases, telling a quick, relatable story can be an attempt at inclusion.

“Many people with ADHD have low self-esteem because of the challenges that ADHD brains face growing up and they think, ‘I need to prove myself,'” Terry Matronfounder ADD consulting and The author of “queen of distraction“.

These motivations stem more from self-preservation than ego. People with ADHD may lack self-confidence due to years of academic difficulties, social missteps, or workplace setbacks. In response, they may overshare as a way to build relationships or as a reaction to a fear of being fired.

“A lot of people with ADHD just don’t know about social dancing,” Matron said. “If it’s interfering with their life then the person is entitled to get some professional help because it can really do a lot of damage if you can’t go to a social dance.”

Just because you do it sometimes doesn’t mean you have ADHD.

When considering these symptoms, it is important to consider whether they disrupt daily life, as not everyone who occasionally interrupts or tells too many stories has ADHD.

“I think our culture and our technology and the constant notifications we’re getting can make it harder for everyone to focus, but that doesn’t mean you have ADHD. It’s part of a larger cultural context where our attention spans are increasingly misaligned with technology,” Anshel said.

Antshel’s team recently published a study Research shows that exposure to ADHD content on social media may lead people to believe they have the disorder, even if they only experience occasional symptoms that don’t significantly affect their daily lives.

“One of my biggest concerns with all the promotion of ADHD content is that it devalues ​​the real experiences of people who actually have ADHD,” Anshel said. “People should also see problems with their functioning in other areas, not just in the conversations they are having. There is no such thing as conversation-specific ADHD.”

There are many ways that people with ADHD can become more involved in conversations.

Whether you have ADHD or not, if you’re worried about talking too much, there are several ways to hone your conversational skills.

First, consider asking a close friend or family member for feedback. You may find that you insert your thoughts more or less often than you thought.

If this is a habit you need to break, consider the root causes. If you’re worried about forgetting, keep a pen and paper in your pocket to jot down thoughts. Don’t interrupt, but jot down words or phrases and share them when appropriate. This makes it easier to provide attention and validation before adding your own perspective.

If writing in a notebook feels like fun during a conversation, remind yourself that you’ll get a chance to chime in eventually. “If it’s really important to you, you probably won’t forget it,” Anshel said.

There are also low-cost support groups, such as through add.orgoften teaching strategies such as paraphrasing and three-second pauses. Members have the opportunity to practice these strategies in a safe, structured environment.

Outside of a therapy setting, having conversations in a calm space can help you stay regulated and focused.

“Be mindful of where you have important conversations and go to less stimulating environments if possible,” says Caldwell. “The more demands competing for your attention and the more stimulation there is, the more likely your ADHD symptoms will be disrupted.”

Like any other skill, the best way to grow is through practice. Work on being mindful, waiting for pauses, asking questions, acknowledging what others are saying, and pausing when you interrupt.

“I use the analogy of wanting to get bigger biceps,” Anshel said. “What do you need to do? You need to exercise, you need to do some strength training. If you want to get better at not interrupting, what do you need to do? You need to practice not interrupting.”

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Read the original article on The Huffington Post