“The biggest concern is that he may have been taken advantage of.” (Photo subject is the model.) – Getty Images/iStockphoto
My previous letter has been updated. I mentioned how shocked I was when my older brother reached out and asked for a loan. Additionally, his bank sent me a fraud alert this week regarding multiple Zelle charges on his account.
When I tried to talk to him, he put the incident aside and said he “felt sorry for this woman,” who he claimed he had met. This is possible because he travels all over the city and still practices law.
I arranged a meeting with an elder law attorney and stayed in touch with the bank. I will also contact the state attorney general’s office. It’s his money, but I believe he could be draining his retirement account, which is very out of character for him. Most worryingly, he could be exploited.
The bank told me that if any payment is more than 60 days past due, I could be held liable since we use the same account. I was added to his account during COVID-19 as a precaution, but I never monitored it.
I was angry but also sad and didn’t know what to do.
younger sister
Related: I fell victim to an online dating scam. I am $27,000 in debt. “How do I recover from this without commenting on my obvious stupidity?”
The bank will not release you from the account until the balance is zero and/or the net balance is positive. – MarketWatch Illustration
It seems your brother has been caught in a romance scam.
His romantic interest may or may not be genuine. Either way, you have a vested interest in helping him deal with this problem: (1) he may have a cognitive impairment, and (2) you’re responsible for any debt incurred. Pleading with him to call the bank to freeze the account. As the joint account owner, you are responsible for this debt (assuming you are not just the authorized signer), and the bank will not release you from the account until the balance reaches zero and/or the net balance is positive.
Review account activity together and treat it as a routine check rather than accusing him of stupidity or incompetence. Tell him that you are all in this together and that you are both in trouble; suggest setting transaction alerts or daily limits on his other accounts. Contact your bank together to clarify charges on your joint account and, if necessary, report potential fraud involving Zelle. This will help stop existing charges from continuing.
Think of this as a collaborative effort rather than as a sister parachuting into his personal and financial life armed to the teeth. Tell him, “We can work this out together.” If this woman exists, you can tell her you want to meet her (she probably won’t show up) or even show that you’re on his side. Let him know that this is probably a romance scam/honeytrap and that even the smartest people can be tricked by evil characters who take advantage of their loneliness.
It’s difficult to help someone who doesn’t help themselves. Ideally, he should freeze credit with all three major credit bureaus (Experian EXPGY, TransUnion TRU, and Equifax EFX) so no one can issue loans or open accounts in her name. This is a great practice for anyone who is in a vulnerable position. People 60 and older are five times more likely to lose money to tech-related scams than younger consumers, according to the Federal Trade Commission.
MetLife MET conducted a major study on this topic and found that most victims lived alone, which may indicate that lonely people are more likely to seek connection online. The study concluded: “In almost all cases, fragile, valued independence and apparent vulnerability existed in the victim’s life, factors that combined to provide the best opportunities for abuse by offenders of all types.”
You can learn more about consumer issues and scams from the Federal Trade Commission and file a consumer complaint online or call 1-877-FTC-HELP (382-4357). AARP also has a Fraud Watch Network Helpline (877-908-3360) and a guide to avoiding phishing. AARP says these signs include “calls requesting money or personal information, such as your Social Security number, requests to purchase gift cards to pay an alleged debt or to wire money.”
Financial institutions have developed procedures to spot the warning signs of financial elder abuse, and state regulators have put pressure on advisers in recent years to help prevent it from happening. This is a shocking and painful turn of events, especially if your brother still harbors the illusion that this man loves him. A truly honest person would not take money from someone they just met; it is not a relationship based on trust and affection.
For others reading this article, if you suspect an elderly relative has been defrauded or is at risk of being defrauded, please contact the National Elder Fraud Hotline at 833-372-8311 or Legal Services and Adult Protective Services. Visit the Elder Care Locator or call toll-free 1-800-677-1116. (Read more about preventing scams here.) You can also file a report with the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center.
Since your finances are also involved, ask him to give you a power of attorney document so you can oversee his finances. In addition to contacting his primary care physician to schedule an appointment for a psychiatric evaluation, further steps will be taken by the National Center on Elder Abuse, a government agency affiliated with the U.S. Administration on Aging, and the nonprofit National Association of Adult Protective Services.
He can be evaluated by a neurologist, geriatrician, or geriatric psychiatrist. The last resort is conservatorship, an involuntary process that occurs when a person is unable to take care of his or her finances. Each state has its own guardianship and conservatorship rules. To apply to become a conservator, you need to file a petition with the probate court in the county where he lives. You will also need to submit a plan of care for him.
“Once a petition is filed with the court, a court investigator is appointed to interview the proposed care recipient and determine whether the person is truly incapacitated and whether the appointment of a conservator is reasonable,” the Family Caregiver Alliance said. “The petition is prepared for a hearing and the conservatee must appear unless medically unable to do so,” the group added. The judge bases his decision on the petition, the investigator’s report and other evidence.
Sometimes, all people want is comfort and a reminder that their loved one is on their side, not against them. A simple statement like “I love you and I want to help you” can break down even the highest walls. You are together not only because you are siblings, but also because you are co-owners of this bank account, and your brother may need medical help, in addition to moral and organizational support, to help him out.
This could be a sign of a more pronounced decline.
Related: ‘Six Figures Missing’: My aunt’s lawyers took over her bank account. Two random doctors declared her incompetent. How can I solve this problem?
More columns from Quentin Futrell:
‘This guy has no manners’: My Airbnb guest asked me to buy bacon and beer. The $30 bill remains unpaid. Do I persist?
‘It’s complicated’: My 61-year-old husband wants to leave everything to me. His children will hate me. what should I do?
I am 59 years old. My wife and I purchased our second home for $484,000 with an interest rate of 6.2%. Will this cost us our retirement?
